My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
