ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
