There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
