who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
