o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
