i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
