Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
