i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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