Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
