Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
