me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
