we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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