you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's rum buckets o'clock
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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