I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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