why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
