Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
