To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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