Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
