how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
