I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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