Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
