but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
