I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
