I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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