I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
