What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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