And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm too high and old for this...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
