She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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