party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
