It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
