Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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