if only i could text you this smell
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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