why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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