He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
