return my video game
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
