I faked an abortion last night.
I've blown a few things in my day
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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