brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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