I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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