I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's get the cat blown out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
