I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
