dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
