I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
