I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
how drunk are you?
Several
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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