My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
