Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
