I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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