I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
