you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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