just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
