i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
