I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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