I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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