I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
