I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
