He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
